Say you'll Slay, Don't Come and Go

I just don't know where and how to start this post just as in real life right now. So many things have been happening lately. Some were good, some were bad. But the bad ones kinda dominate me. I'm not that sure if this is the right term to describe how I currently feel but -- I'm depressed. I am depressed of all the negativities inside of me. I am depressed because I felt like losing the universe at once. To be specific, I lost two of my friends in a harsh way. I also lost my group of friends (well not exactly but I just feel it since I graduated from college). I really missed how fun we were back in school but maybe that's just something everyone experiences after graduation and I will easily be able to get through this very soon. I think I also lost my membership as a choir. Since I had a fight with one of my choirmates, I don't think I would still belong in that family. I also don't feel good being with them anymore, I don't see the genuineness just like before, people come and people go. I don't want to make siksikan with people who don't like me anyway. I also need space for growth, I mean my own personal growth. It's been almost a decade since I entered the choir and I see just a little step of how I was as a beginner and as the years go by. I knew I won't be that committed forever because I saw how my closest friends stepped out, due to their career paths, and some had bad issues that also made them move away, and I guess my reason for leaving was both. I am in a point of my life where I had to EMBRACE CHANGE mainly from a student to a professional and from a set of old friends to a new one. Another thing is that my aunt flew to the states for a month of vacation and I just feel so sad without her presence here. It's like the house is no longer a home. Wow I think my last sentence was spectacular -- it made my tears fall and it's happening now as I type this lol. Anyway, I don't understand why everytime I think of my family (my dad especially) I would easily cry and this happens mostly after midnight. I always look back on how we used to be together as a family and I get hurt thinking that it would never happen again. My dad has a new family of his own now and I see that he loves his three kings so much that as my mom says, that's not how he used to treat me when I was little. Since I love my three younger brothers, that alone makes me happy and emotional at the same time. Now this blog is no longer all about my lovelife. I got here tonight coz I really feel so down these past few weeks and I know I needed to let this out through writing. I'm into seeking the right path for me, even though how I really wanted to do what others do, I don't think that would be best for me.
I'm making a unique version of myself, and that's already under construction.